I start off working hard to gain a fast connection with people. People want to know that you care about them and you understand. Part of this process of therapeutic alliance involves finding where you can agree on the direction of treatment. Therapeutic alliance is one of the highest correlated factors for treatment success that is backed by research. It is easy to say and harder to achieve. So I make it a focus since I know that I have small window in which to achieve it. As that relationship is forming in those first couple of sessions I begin to find where I can challenge and invite perspective changes. At that point those two processes become a feedback loop with alliance needing maintained and the inviting of change being a part of that relationship. All of this is framed and driven by a core understanding of skill’s oriented treatment vs motivation/insight oriented treatment. Examples of skills would include, emotion regulation, perspective, executive functioning (Manage time and attention (perseverance) Switch Focus (flexibility) Plan and Organize (initiate) Curb inappropriate speech or behavior (inhibition) Integrate past experience with present action (metacognition). Expected too, and yet not able to use life experience to modify behaviors), etc… When I enter the relationship with the skills perspective it allows for an opening. The opening is that the individual doesn’t feel pressure from me to change. Instead they experience a hope from me that over time with lots of practice and a different mindset things can get better. The strategic part of my approach comes in when we realize that the individuals I work with have been engaged in negative self protection for a long time. Knocking on the front door is not an option. I have to shift, maneuver, bob, weave, duck, wait, engage, back off, listen, approach, slow down, speed up, engaged, disengage, reflect, challenge, validate, be firm, allow for escape, invite, etc… all at the right times and in the right ways to help someone begin to consider that change is safe. Then I have to do all of those same things to help implement a sustainable change process. Then I have to do all of those same things to help them sustain that implemented process. Then I have to do all of those same things to give that process over to them completely. And lastly, this process allows for a wonderful assessment of who they really are and what they need for their future. I do not rest until we find a sound understanding of who this wonderful person is!
I also love helping parents make this shift and to see things from this new perspective. For parents it is the shift to relationship first, and a change in perspective for them. This opens them up to learn to trust their instincts again as parents from this new framework. It has been difficult for them as parents because they feel like they are to blame and they are trying to find that one thing that is going to change things. So, that blame/fix framework combined with their child’s unmanageable behavior leads to family trauma, which necessitates family healing.
I love running. I have completed 11 marathons. I enjoy all things outdoors but most of all hiking. My favorite hike was the Trans-Zion national park hike I did with my son his senior year in high school. Growing up my father and uncles played the guitar. I have many memories sitting around the campfire singing songs with them playing. I realized several years ago that no one had learned to play the guitar in my generation and the tradition might be lost so I self-taught how to strum and play the songs that my father played. I love spending time with my family. I am married with four children. My son is my oldest and he has graduated from High school and I have 3 daughters. They are the joy in my life and I love watching them learn, struggle, play and grow. Lastly I love traveling. More specifically I love traveling to tropical places.